Pelvic floor

Up until recently, I had no idea what a pelvic floor was, did, or why it was important.

It was not till I entered into surrogacy, I seen everyone talking about it, like it was a common thing to discuss after having a baby. I felt completely out of the loop.

Maybe I am not the only one living under the pelvic floor rock? In case I am, here ya go:

Pelvic floor exercises. Pelvic floor exercises help to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor. These muscles come under great strain in pregnancy and childbirth. … If your pelvic floor muscles are weakened, you may find that you leak urine when you cough, sneeze or strain.

So ideally, after a baby, via c-section or vaginal birth… you kinda wanna make sure your PF is straightened out. Aint nobody got time for leakage!

Here is a great link to explain it in a little more detail.…gnancy/the-pelvic-floor  

Now that we have that out-of-the-way, time for the real story….

I had my final PP check up yesterday afternoon with my midwife. All was well, we chatted, I told her I no longer feel like i even had a baby, i have started exercising daily, eating healthy and just getting my body back. Then she informed me i was not due for my pap test till 2019 ( great! cause no one likes those cold metal lady bit spreaders. EVER. ) but, it is routine to assess my pelvic floor.

*Ah.. ok… not sure how we do that, but yea, let’s do this! *

so we go into the room, and there it is. The bed with stirrups. UGH. This means one thing. I am gonna have to get Naked’ from the waist down, and be ready when she comes back into the room.

30 seconds later, im waiting, with a little fabric like material over my legs, acting like.. im cool, I have been here a million times, she is just gonna get up close and personal with Petunia. ….. DAMN IT! .. I have not told you her name yet.  We have all have a name for our va-jay-jay. Don’t act like you don’t. Mine is a … was… is still? a delicate flower.

*awkward silence*

Midwife walks  back in, shines the interrogation light on my whoo haa… and all dignity goes out the window. I may be 36, but me and my gal like to stay covered. Some ladies feel different, and that’s cool… let your freak flag fly… but im getting older… and she gets cold, we like covers. So the midwife explains how we are going to assess my pelvic floor while she hands me a huge mirror. (Why the hell do I have a mirror>?! I thought this was a one man job ?! )

No, no… I get to watch. I get to do the dirty work, while she just sits there with her finger in me. Lost? Let me explain. So to check my muscles, she goes knuckle deep. a little to one side. Its MY job to … are you ready?… SUCK her finger in further.. with my lady bit muscles. then release. then PUSH her finger out. All while watching in the mirror, so I too can see the finger being gobbled up by my petunia. ( I can’t believe I am even writing this … )

So one side done. Ok.. I got this… my left side seemed way more eager than the left. I almost gobbled her hand. Careful.. my left side means business. oops.

So after all is said and done. I got the clean bill of health of a healthy pelvic floor and I got the ok, to do this at home by myself to release some of the tension my left side clearly has. That or it’s just angry. I am not really sure yet.. the jury is still out on that one.

So… yea. That was my day. On the bright side… my next birth I was told I am a successful candidate for a VBAC . I just have to try to wait minimum  18 months to push another human outta me. 🙂


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