This one is for the ladies

let’s talk PP Period. The first one.  Men, this is your chance to escape now. WE both know you do not want anything to do with this conversation. Go get your beer, and thank your lucky stars you don’t have to go through this.

Ladies…. ’cause labour, contractions, being cut open, pushing a human out of a tiny hole is not enough…. not long after you birth this amazing human… hell rains down on you from your insides.

It’s not nice. The first one is a killer. The cramps, the bleeding.. it’s always the worst one. EVER.

Mine arrived. 

I am thinking about calling in a blood transfusion. Seriously. I wont be able to stand up after this one is finished. The other day I woke up… I am pretty sure I had to clean my bathroom like someone who just murdered someone, and wanted to hide the evidence.

Yea my best friend got the call after. She is lucky a photo-op was not taken. Oh don’t get me wrong.. I thought about it, but I am pretty sure, even she would have questioned me, and went into Greys anatomy, ” you’re my person” mode and showed up at my door asking where we are hiding the body, and when are we leaving for Mexico.

So I spared her the frantic drive. I just told her about it.  We all have THAT friend. You tell everything to. Poop, blood, vagina boogers ( come on… you have not had a vagina booger? omg. ) are not off the table. Everything is a green light conversation.

Now that you all know I am slowly dying of blood loss. . . lets talk period wear.

We have options.

Pads. Tampons. Diva cup. Thinx undies, fabric pads.  Now we all have our go to. I have ventured out of my comfort zone. I have officially tried them all. So let’s go there.

Pads. I feel like a football player suiting up for my period. Bulky, ready for the tackle and pain. BRING IT ON!  They are never long enough for me. They never stay where they are supposed to. Those wings. FFS. I am lucky I even get them where they are supposed to stick, .. taking them off .. sometimes I fight with my undies and the damn pad. Cause that’s what I need to do. Wrestle a bloody-gawd-damn-pad.Because I have not been through enough. LET me get blood all over myself. ugh.  You never had this happen? Lucky you. I hate your face.

Tampons. Yeah they can be great. But have you ever used one when your near the start or the end of your monthly angry beaver time?!  When your about to pull it out… of course you’re not at home, you’re in a bathroom stall at the mall. And… it… gets stuck. You stop. You give a little tug… OMG… your eyes water a little. You bite your bottom lip. Do you just say fuck it and leave it? Do you give a hard yank and risk pulling out ovaries?! Cause I am convinced it would happen.  But When your free-flowing good.. tampons are awesome.

Diva Cup. I love mine. I don’t use it as much as one should. Cause lazy sets in. And lets face it, no one wants to be out in public washing that thing out. I hate reaching up, fisting myself to get it out. Spilling blood all over. ( ok not really… if you know what you’re doing, its no biggie) But im a heavy flow kinda gal. And my cup is never half empty if you know what I mean.  It’s like a volcano erupting.  And sometimes when you get it in. You stand up. Take a step and your like ” nope. That’s not right. “ and you have to give it a tug, and fix it.  If you’re an experienced Diva user.. you and your cup are tight. I am not there yet. Some days im feeling her, other days im like .. let’s go with the line backer pad.

Thinx Undies. Let me lay this one out simple for you. It’s just undies. They are FANTASTIC. They handle my flows. And the comfort is amazing. I wish they were a little more cost efficient… but you know. It is what it is. Now it does suck giving them a wash before you wash. But I only have 1 pair to my name right now. They were my try it pair. I need more. But it does suck having to change undies when its time to change one. Not so easy there. They should come with velcro somewhere.. you know like those old 80s rip off pants. LMAO

Fabric pads. K , up till recently… I never gave them a go. Who the hell wants to add to the laundry pile up?! Wash a pad out before you “wash your pad out”?! What if you leak through the fabric?! I mean.. they DO come in fancy designs. That’s cool. But they sat there. On my shelf. Decoration if you may. Then …. I did it. I put one on.

OH! Hello! … What is this?! A pillow for my petunia?! I THINK SO! Oh this… this is nice.

It’s like my kitty has a soft place to lay. What is that?…. Do I hear… Wait for it…

“soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur ( not really) Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr”

That’s right.  Shhhhh…….. You just snuggle right in and enjoy the ride.

Ah and lets not just focus on the comfort. Its legit like a princess that just was given her throne. The length of this fantastic thing is right on. Covered in the front. Secure in the back. Shes coming in for a landing ladies. Nice… slow and smooth……. ahhhh.

Go try them. You lady bits will thank you.

Well that’s about all I got for today. I hope you can relate to at least one of the options. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe my lady bits are sensitive and picky. Who knows. But if you never have tried the fabric way…. Just try 1. Just for the hell of it.


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