Emotional wreckage

The last few weeks have been an emotional fucker-y. Sorry about that. There is NO other word to explain the emotional rollercoaster I /We have been on.

I started Meds. Injecting Lupron in my belly, 1 time a day. Not as terrible as I was expecting. Went rather smooth. Also started patches and Estrace pills, ( 2 pills 3 times a day) Oooooo These little pills. They mess with your body. The first night I did not sleep. All the pile of meds, all at once OHMYGAWD.  I sweated through a t-shirt. Slept on the couch.. well… not so much slept.. i sat up and rocked like i was bat shit crazy. I was in so much pain. Legit.. I think my own uterus was like ” fuck this shit, we out. “

Rough night to say the least.


Things slowed down after that first night. Meds settled in but I was hormonal. My kid was tapping his spoon on the edge of his bowl… my brain went TICK! Snapped. I am not one to get emotional, But have my moods completely all over the map. YUP. All the hubby had to do was give me the side- eye the wrong way… LOOSE MY MIND. Don’t get me started on him coming back after being gone for a few months, and me starting meds and his personal items ALL OVER MY DAMN HOUSE. ugh. That alone gave me the sweats.

I Had to stock up on condoms. ( bahahah) I know. Why the hell am I on birth control AND have my tubes tied AND using condoms. 3x protection baby! Hubby aint making no babies in this body! LMAO

That’s right. I went to the pharmacy and picked up condoms AND pee sticks. BHAHA oh the confusion.




Now lets take a break from all the stabbing myself and weird combo purchases.

My God-Daughter, First Surro baby turned 1!!! Dec 5th was her 1st birthday!

I am in awe, that 1 whole year has passed already. Time flies when you are not changing diapers and waking for feedings. HA

I sent her some new little shirts, a little Christmas tree bling and a Scenty winnie the pooh! She has a Pooh bear she takes everywhere that is smaller, so I hope the love for this one follows as she grows a little. I also sent her a Book with her name for Christmas. A book all about her. The best part.. her name has mermaid meaning.. and one of the letters in the book is about meeting a mermaid.  It was just meant to be.


A little update in my life. Hubby and I had to do that dress-up thing for his Work Christmas Party. Try going to an event at night on Estrace.. HELLO SLEEPY TIME. I had zero energy. I could have pulled up a  corner of the room and passed out. I would have been 100% ok with that. I am ready for bed my 8:30pm every night. Its like these pills are vampires sucking the energy right out of me! But I look good doing it! HAHA


I also was part of a surro christmas exchange. We got a name drawn and to purchase for.

My surrogate is someone I know via social media, But we do not live in the same town. I feel like i know her pretty well thou. LOL #FriendsOnSocialMedia we are connected through this little life of surrogacy. Always.

So I had to send her something that was functional, sentimental and useful.


The BEST mug. And lets face it, we all need calm and sleep in our lives. ( unless you are on IVF pills, those babies got you covered for sleep) So a little essential oil from Doterra ( only the best!) and a bracelet.  I am happy it arrived before christmas with the postal strike we have lol .

Now back to the rollercoaster of emotions. 

I have had to go for 2 ultrasounds and blood work, just outside of town. So that means some 5 am wake ups to go stand in line for 6:30 am while they finally open at 7am. Try booking through lifelabs online. BHAHAHAHAHAHAH nope. My blood work had to be done by 8am in the morning. Time was everything.

SO I had an ultrasound yesterday. I had to snap a pic and send to my nurse so it was clear. Well .. clear compared to a faxed image. lol

This is where the rollercoaster beings.

First. :screenshot_20181211-142834_gmail7688688487242555980.jpg

Hell yes it is! I was feeling AMAZING. excited to get the real results in to find out how fluffy my lining was.





Wait.. what?! … What just happened. How do we go from looking good to an area of concern? DAMN IT. now i am googling EVERYTHING. 

OMG. I AM GONNA DIE. ok not really.. but … this is why they say never go to google for answers. The outcome is always ” you die” . (Thanks friend who googled that for me. lol )

Then :


What. Just. Happened.

Happy, confused, to WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. 

So. Long story short. No December Transfer. Which REALLY sucks. I had the best way of telling the soon to be Dad’s that they were potentially going to BE Dads. Oh well.

Hopefully I am ok. This is just a silly IVF bump in the road and we will be back on track for attempt 2 for January. 2019 will be the year.

But seriously.. let’s get our hands on those damn results.

But to end this sad story on a high note…

I hope you have an amazing sense of humor.

Because after carefully looking at the screen shot from my ultrasound. *Thanks Daycare Mom for being awesome and pointing out the best thing ever*

Guys. My insides have a hand holding a penis.


COME ON . you know you see it too. There is NO unseeing it now.

I hope this made you giggle. It made me giggle. something has to give, it was shitty news, this was perfect timing. 🙂

So at the end of the day.. yes we got some not so great news. Yes i have a funny scan photo, that  I can not stop looking at AND when the guys come to visit in December…. WE can ALL have a drink together.


Now excuse me while I go check my email a zillion times waiting for my results. Wish me luck.



Don’t forget to follow me on IG! Just_the_strok 🙂 I will follow you back 🙂



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